And for the month before that one, and the one before that. It's the 17th, again. You remembered every time, and I always forgets. So instead of one more apology to you , I would just like to say, you mean the world to me and this is not who I am. I am ashamed of what I have become, and you deserve better than this.
You are the most beautiful and thoughtfull person I have ever met, you are just awesome. I am so sorry.
I've sent you "I don't have words" enough times that the sentence stopped meaning anything a while ago — to you, and if I'm honest, to me too. So let me actually try the real thing instead of the reflex.
Sometime in the last couple of years, I let my own effort go quiet. Not all at once — a good morning I didn't send, a call I said I'd make and didn't, a 17th I let slide because I was tired, or busy, or just not paying attention. And instead of noticing my own numbers dropping first, I started noticing yours — telling myself it was fair, because you'd only ever matched whatever I brought that year. That was never something you owed me. It was always mine to bring first. I stopped, quietly, and you felt it long before I'd admit it to myself.
That's what forgetting the 17th actually is, underneath the wording. It was never really about a date on a calendar. It's you needing proof, once a month, that you're still the most important line in my life.
Two 17-year-olds who'd already spent eight months insisting as friends finally stopped pretending. Neither of us had a plan. I just didn't want to do this with anyone else and you just started seeing my love said yes
The first time I didn't know what to say or how to react because it was the second happiest day of my life, because you also said what I wanted to hear from eternity.
The best time, we fought but never left each other, which made us stronger. We were together.
We were with each other but a huge distance was there, this is the time period which tested us, tested our love. Maintaining the distance but never forgetting the love.
You and me, came together. Best time of our lifes, after so many years of distance we were finally together. We fought but we had eachother so even the fights become love.
We got distanced again, wishing the gods to be reunited again. The distance kills both of us.
17 · 05 · 14
I needed one date I'm physically incapable of losing track of, even on the nights I sleep straight through midnight Because this date around 12 years back became the best day of my life.
Its the base which started our story
Its the time, we both finally accepted that we lived for each other.
The number doesn't look big, but when the other person is your life it becomes very huge.
I love you
The 17th is in my calendar now, every month, on repeat, with three alarms instead of the one I keep sleeping through.
I'm going back to bringing the effort first, without quietly measuring it against yours — the way I did before I got comfortable.
Next time I mess up — and at some point I probably will — I'm calling you before sunrise instead of writing you a paragraph after it.
I'm not asking you to forgive me the second you finish reading this.
I just needed you to actually hear the real version of it, instead of the one I could apologise my way out of by lunchtime.
Happy month 147, Baabu. Maaf kar do?